Out Here in the Cold
by Sphynx
Summary: He wasn't really sure how this had started happening in the first place. For a while, he convinced himself the feelings were from too little sleep, too much booze, or perhaps even both. It wasn't as if Erwin didn't want to deal with the feelings, but feelings were something that never came quite as easily to him as it had to others. [Erwin/Levi]
1. Chapter 1

A/N: First SnK fic ever! Haven't written in a long time, so getting back into the rhythm of writing! Of course, true to self, I have to take on the biggest pairing the series has to offer. Hope that this is at least something that pique's interest! *bites nails nervously!*

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He wasn't really sure how this had started happening in the first place. For a while, he convinced himself the feelings were from too little sleep, too much booze, or perhaps even both. But as time went on and the feelings kept happening, he decided that perhaps this really was something he should deal with. It wasn't as if Erwin didn't want to deal with the feelings, but feelings were something that never came quite as easily to him as it had to others. He'd been clinging to a thread, some frayed thread with some sort of semblance of normality since he had moved to Fayetteville, North Carolina, just weeks after his father had passed away and his life had gone to total shit. He wanted away from the pressure of having to deal with a grieving mother and finances that weren't his own, and the uncovering of things that were never have meant to see the light of day. To be honest, he was dangerously close to a mental breakdown in more than one way.

But now it had been three nights of sleeping in a hotel bed, curled up next to a man he barely knew and yet wanted to know at the same time. Because how the hell did he get to this point in the first place, where he genuinely felt comfortable sleeping with Levi in this strange, fucked up situation he had gotten himself into. He felt Levi turn in the bed, stretching and seeking warmth from the cool winter air at the same time. Legs tangled around his own and toes rubbed against one another and Erwin felt Levi relax, his body going completely limp and his face peaceful, giving a sigh of contentment. Erwin reached out a hand, softly brushing black tendrils away from his eyes. He was rewarded with a small noise and another deep sigh, and Erwin didn't bother hiding his smile.

Truth be told, he really wasn't sure how this whole thing had started in the first place. He wasn't really in the mood for a relationship and hadn't been in years, not since his engagement had been shot to hell. He'd fallen for Allison near the end of his freshman year of college and the two had settled into what Erwin later realized had been been a give and take relationship. He had been only too happy to happy to lavish her with gifts, something he realized made her happy beyond belief and Allison had been only too happy to take everything she could get from him. His parents had disliked her and his father was very vocal about how he thought Erwin was whipped. It hadn't been only about sex though, Erwin had tried to tell him, although that had been a fantastic plus. She'd been his first and she wasn't exactly inexperienced or boring in the bedroom and she opened and introduced Erwin to things that had been shocking to him at the time. No, it was about the companionship, about being a part of a relationship and a part of a 'we'. That was something Erwin craved more than he had cared to admit.

The relationship had fallen to pieces when he had come home from Easter break to find her in bed (his bed - his dorm room bed. She hadn't had the decency to go use her own bed) with one of the guys from his biology class. Allison had tried to apologize and promise it wouldn't happen again, but Erwin saw her more clearly, perhaps for the first time. She wasn't worried about losing him so much as she was worried about losing all the pretty gifts he lavished upon her. After their relationship, Erwin was selective about those he chose to be around, having learned a hard lesson that not everyone wants to be around you because of your personality. He slept around here and there, mostly one night stands that ended too quickly or where the other left soon after to avoid awkwardness. Erwin had hated those encounters - they left him feeling empty inside.

"I think you just need a fresh start." His best friend, Mike, had said to him one afternoon as they messaged back and forth through Facebook. Mike had just moved to North Carolina, trying to get away from the close minded and slightly stale mid-western city they had both grown up in. Since he had arrived, he had flourished, taking a job as a teacher at a local high school in the area and had even started dating again. "Get out of the town after you graduate and start doing something with your life. You've got one of the biggest hearts of anyone I've ever met, Erwin, but you almost shut yourself down to the point where you're unapproachable. Get away from your parents and our town and all the stupid, small town shit that goes along with it. I know there's a college up here who is looking for a history professor and all they're requiring is a bachelor's. You're fantastic at teaching and you've got the credentials. I'll send you the listing. At least send in your resume."

He had and the college had been interested in him. As Erwin debated telling his parents about the sudden need to move away and get out from under their wing, the unthinkable happened. His father died from a sudden, massive heart attack.

Afterward, Erwin had almost jumped at the chance to move away. He accepted the job, moved a thousand miles away from his home state and started his life over. The thing was, it was startlingly similar to his old life but there was a lot less sex. The other side of this was for the first time, Erwin actually had a group of friends besides just Mike. There was Nanaba, the slightly young but brilliant self defense professor who was known throughout the college for having gone public with her male to female transition. From what Erwin had discovered later, there had even been a fundraiser for her, giving her the last few thousand dollars she needed to receive her reassignment surgery. She was returning to work for the first time in months after her recovery and Erwin could tell it was a celebrated return. She was incredibly sweet, welcoming Erwin into the fold of the college without any hesitation at all. Zoe Hange and her intern Moblit Baner were the chemistry professors and Erwin could honestly say he had never met anyone as crazy as Hange. She was all over the place, talking and waving her hands as she did so and greeting him with the biggest hug he had ever received from someone who wasn't family. Erwin learned she was also well known in the college for her experiments, some of which had a tendency to take a turn for the worst. He had looked forward to hearing her stories. There were others as well, but Erwin hadn't cared to form relationships with them.

Two years in, they were family. They celebrated when Moblit joined their lunch one day with a bright smile on his face and grinned as he told them how they had officially been hired on by the college as one of the Chemistry professors. They received looks when Hange could barely contain her scream, reaching over and hugging her intern, pride showing all over her face. "We need to go out to celebrate this," she declared, looking all of them over. "I know a really great bar that one of my friends works at. It's clean and not the dark and smokey ones so many people are used to. I'll call my friend and let us in without being checked by the door. Everyone want to meet there at nine?"

It had apparently been established that everyone was attending and Erwin asked if he could bring Mike along. She agreed, wrapping her arm around Moblit again as the both of them sat together and began talking about his future position.

Mike met Erwin at his apartment and they rode together to the address Hange had text everyone. It was a small place, something that could barely be considered a hole in the wall and it wasn't in the best area of town. Erwin stepped out of his car and looked around, swallowing a little and made sure to press the 'lock' button on his car a few more times than necessary. Mike seemed unfazed by the area, only commenting slightly that the outside smelled like straight up ass. Erwin chuckled slightly and walked inside, holding the door open for Mike out of habit.

The Pour House was just as small on the inside as it had looked from the outside. Small and clustered, Erwin wasn't exactly sure where they were going to put their group of five or six people, but he found Hange had already taken care of the problem. She, along with the other three that were joining them for the evening, had secured the back corner and had already ordered a three different pitchers of beer. "I wasn't sure what people liked," She explained as they took off their coats and sat down. "So I ordered what I know and one that my friend recommended to me - he's not a huge beer drinker himself, but he knows his shit. Also, if we need to order refills or you want something different, order from the small guy with black hair. That's my friend and he'll give you discounts if he knows your with me. Just don't expect to actually get him to talk to you other than to comment on what your ordering."

Nanaba had slid in to the seat next to Hange, catching the tail end of the conversation. "Does he just not like to talk?"

"Oh, he likes to talk," Hange said, and the smile and half eye roll she gave as she said the words told Erwin she'd heard more about this friend's personal life than anyone ever should have. "I've known him since we were fourteen - his acceptance that he was gay, his relationships, his running away from home and all the issues that came after that - and he's been open about everything. And I do mean everything." Hange gave a light chuckle, running her hands through her messy red hair. "I think I've heard more about his lays than I ever heard out of my own!"

Moblit choked on his beer, dribbling a little down his chin and turned to give Hange a weird look. Already slightly tipsy, Hange was in quite the mood this evening and it seemed that alcohol turned off what little filter she had in the first place. She rubbed his back slightly, apologizing for choking him before settling her gaze on Mike. "I don't know you," she announced, pointing at Mike as she did. "Who are are you? You're a friend of Erwin's right?"

"Mike Zacharius." Mike stuck his hand out and Hange met his and they gave a firm handshake. Mike looked pleased and Erwin had to suppress a chuckle. He knew that look - having known Mike since childhood, he knew the look Mike took when he was impressed or even slightly attracted to someone. "Grew up with this lug over here, moved to North Carolina about four years ago and I teach Math at a local high school."

"Impressive," Nanaba stated, her eyes lighting up just slightly. Mike gave her a brilliant smile. "You couldn't pay me enough to teach math - hell, I barely passed it in high school and had help all the way through college. That's just not how my mind works."

"It isn't that hard if you break it down," Mike offered, but was cut off buy the sound of the group laughing. He took it with a grin and a shrug. "Well, I guess for me. I've accepted the fact I'm a bit of a strange duck when it comes to that."

They went through the pitchers faster than Erwin would have thought possible and even he was beginning to get a nice buzz by the time he finished the last of his glass. Deciding he wanted to check out the menu by himself, he excused himself from the table and made his way to the bar. No one was judging if he was having a little trouble getting his feet to move in a orderly fashion. Erwin all but flopped down on the barstool, surprised at himself and how the alcohol had hit him quicker than he had expected. Looking up, he saw the menu for the beers written in chalk on the wall and was slightly ashamed to admit he could barely read it. Fuck, did he need glasses already?

"Are you going to order anything, or are you just going to squint at the wall forever?" A clipped, slightly sarcastic voice broke Erwin out of his haze and he turned to focus his eyes on the person in front of him. The man looked bored was the first impression that went through Erwin's mind as he stood in front of him, hip slightly cocked, cleaning out a bar glass and stared at Erwin through narrowed eyes. He was short, Erwin could tell, barely standing over the counter and the large sweatshirt he had pulled over him did nothing to help him seem larger. Despite his short stature, Erwin felt the man was bigger - taller even - than his height, because the way he was currently staring at Erwin made him feel about fourteen inches tall.

"Do you need me to read you the menu or something?"

Erwin jumped again and shook his head. "No, no. Sorry. Spaced out there for a few minutes."

"Right." The man snorted and put the glass down that he'd been drying. "What can I get for you?"

"I was actually trying to see your menu - "

"Suddenly realizing you're blind?"

"Something like that." Erwin coughed a little. The man leaned down under the counter and pulled out something, sliding it across the bar in front of Erwin - it was a laminated copy of their drink menu. "Thanks."

"No problem." The conversation was short and Erwin didn't really feel the need to expand upon it. It felt cooler over here, away from the small, smushed space his group had packed in to and with the alcohol in his system, the temperature had only elevated. Across the bar, he could hear Hange's laugh and Moblit's sudden, slightly desperate response and a chorus of laughter that followed. Erwin was glad they were having fun, but group outings had never really been something he'd been interested in. For the time being, he was content to stay over here. He looked over the menu and finally decided upon something. The man gave a grunt in reply and grabbed the glass, pouring it and sliding it toward Erwin.

"Why aren't you joining your friends?"

Erwin looked up from over his glass to see the man staring at him again, one eyebrow raised. "I don't know." Erwin answered slowly, giving a shrug in reply. "I'm not really into the whole party scene."

"That hardly classifies as a party."

"You know what I mean. Group outings. Social functions where everyone gets together and gets wasted and has a fantastically good time. I'm more of a stay at home and watch Netflix or whatever is on television. Or I read."

The man gave a slight sneer. "I bet you even knit."

"I do know how to knit, actually." Erwin said, surprised as it came out of his mouth.

"Beautiful. I'm sure you have fun at home knitting your old man sweaters while Bing Crosby plays in the background."

Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was just the absurdity of the statement, but Erwin let out a genuine laugh, throwing his head back and giving a full body wheeze. It hadn't been that funny and the look on the man's face confirmed it, staring at Erwin like he had completely lost his mind. "I'm sorry," Erwin said, still chuckling and trying to take a sip of his drink. "It's so absurd and ridiculous and hell, probably true. That's probably what I'll be doing in another ten or so years of my life. Old Man Smith with his grandpa sweaters and cane, yelling at people get get off his front lawn."

He was surprised to hear the man chuckle. "From the ten minutes I've spent with you, I can't say that wouldn't surprise me. Are you going to be okay to get home? Do I need to call a cab or something?"

Erwin looked over at the group of people and took note Mike was now only drinking water and Erwin was certain he'd only had one beer. He did notice, in his brief assessment of the group, that Mike was leaning a little further toward Hange. That was interesting - he'd have to ask him about that on the way home. Turning back to the bartender, Erwin shook his head. "No, my friend will be able to drive me home. Although I can't say the same for the rest of my colleagues."

The bartender snorted. "I'll take Hange home and I guess whoever else I can fit in my small-ass car."

Erwin blinked and it finally sunk in. "You're Hange's friend."

"Guilty." He was moving away, leaning down to grab a bag from under the bar and he slung it around his shoulders. "And I'm off for the evening, so I'm going to cut her little party short so I can take her drunk ass home. I'm tired as fuck and I just want to go to sleep."

Erwin stood, feeling a little better on his feet despite the fact he had more alcohol in his system than he had when he'd walked here. He followed the man toward their party and grabbed Mike's glass of water, chugging it until it was empty.

"Sure, you can have a sip of my water." Mike deadpanned.

"Shut up." Erwin said, sitting down and putting his head on his arms. "I think I might be drunk."

"I think you might be too. Which is amusing. Don't think I've seen you drunk since we were about twenty-two." Mike patted him on the back, rubbing soothingly. "You always were a quite drunk - reclusive. Did you have a good conversation with the bartender."

"No," Erwin said into his arms. "I think he made fun of me, actually."

Above him, he could hear Hange giving protests about having to leave and the annoyance in the bartender's voice. He looked up to see the man physically pulling Hange up from the table (with slight help from Moblit) and offered any of the others a a ride. Moblit and Nanaba agreed. Mike shook his head, saying he would take Erwin home.

"You can help him with his knitting." The bartender said, a very small smile playing over his lips.

"What?" Hange said a little too loudly. "You knit Erwin?"

"Oh my God, Zoe. It's a joke and we're getting you home." He gripped her by the arm and began to steer her toward the door. "Have a good night everyone, and safe driving home. Have fun with the knitting, Erwin."

It only dawned on Erwin halfway through the car ride home that he hadn't even caught the bartender's name. Oh well, he thought. I'll just ask Hange about it tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you to everyone who gave kudos and bookmarks! You have no idea how much that means to me! Here's the second chapter - I know it's a little short, but next chapter will be longer. Quite a bit longer. It just seemed natural to end it here!

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Truth be told, Erwin couldn't actually explain what led him back to The Pour House. His experience there hadn't been anything to write home about and the bar scene had never been his thing. Still, he couldn't help but be slightly intrigued by the bartender in a way Erwin still didn't quite understand himself. He'd asked Hange about him the following day when she called to check on him, curious to see if Erwin's hangover had been as bad as hers had. His hadn't.

"The bartender - the short one with black hair - that's the one that's your friend, right?"

Hange made a confused noise on the other end of the phone, as if trying to put together exactly what Erwin was saying. "Oh!" Her voice almost visibly brightened. "You're talking about Levi. The one that drove me home last night, right? Yeah, he was one of the bartenders last night. Why?"

"Just curious. I never caught his name." Erwin poured himself a cup of coffee and took a sip as he waited to see if she would reply. When she didn't, he continued. "Don't over think anything, Hange. It was honestly just a question."

Hange gave a small laugh on the other end of the phone. "I'm not over thinking things, honestly. I just find it curious that both of you have asked me about one another."

"He asked about me?" This was certainly a new revelation.

"On the way home last night. Told me that you came over and sat at the bar for a while as the rest of us became progressively more wasted. Asked if you had a name or if he should just start calling you Steve Rogers."

It was that, really, that made Erwin pursue seeing him again. Something about him had obviously intrigued Levi enough to ask Hange about Erwin, and that wasn't something that Erwin was used to. The look on Levi's face when he walked up to the bar a couple of nights later was perfect. He looked up and caught the sight of Erwin and his eyes widened just slightly before he hid it behind a face of nonchalance. Levi watched with narrowed eyes as he walked up to the counter and Erwin swore he heard a slight huff of breath as he took a seat across the bar. Levi raised an eyebrow and reached down under the counter and placed the laminated menu in front of Erwin.

"Your eyesight probably hasn't improved since Friday night."

"I'm sad to say that it hasn't." Erwin chuckled and looked down, squinting at the words. Maybe he really did need to see an eye doctor soon. He mentally made a thought to call his eye doctor tomorrow morning.

"Was your weekend so bad that you felt the need to drink on a Sunday night?" Levi's voice came from above him and Erwin looked up.

"No actually, it was fairly relaxing. I did nothing but sit at home, rearrange my living room, and read a little."

"Sounds thrilling." Levi deadpanned.

"I live an exciting life." Erwin replied and ordered a beer. Levi set about filling up the drink with expert precision, wiping off the cup as he handed it to Erwin.

"Good choice on that, by the way. I usually don't care for beer, but that one is one I can stand." Levi commented and as Erwin took a drink he had to admit, he agreed with the man. Realizing that he hadn't exactly ever introduced himself, he stuck out a hand toward Levi, who gave it an almost skeptical look.

"Erwin Smith," Erwin said, and he felt Levi meet his hand in a firm, short handshake. He was impressed - a handshake was always a way Erwin judged people. Firm handshakes were usually a sign of a good, strong character and Erwin had never been wrong in his assumptions. "I realized I had never introduced myself to you the other day."

"No, you were too busy trying not to puke all over my bar."

"I wasn't that bad." Erwin defended himself, rolling his eyes slightly.

There was a slight pause before the other man answered. "Levi. My name is Levi."

"Just Levi? No last name or anything?" It was a tease, but Erwin could see by the way Levi tensed up that it had hit an sore spot.

"Just Levi. I'm like Madonna, Prince, or Cher. They didn't need last names and neither do I. It's actually surprisingly easy never having to give your last name. You'd think it would be hard."

"Well, Just Levi, it's good to meet you." Erwin said, chuckling to himself slightly and he was pleased to note Levi relaxed a bit at the joke. He took another sip of the beer and fell silent, wishing for all the world he knew how to carry on a regular conversation without it falling into awkward lapses like this. There was a reason Erwin didn't branch out too much from the friends he had managed to acquire through the few years he had been in North Carolina. They knew what to expect from him. Levi didn't seem to be terribly bothered by it, as he fell silent himself and began to wipe down one of the counters with a determination and precision Erwin usually only witnessed in professional housekeepers. He didn't comment on it, though. If Levi wanted to keep his space clean, all the more power to him. In fact, it actually made Erwin feel better about drinking from the establishment.

"What time do you get off work?" The sudden question from Erwin had Levi looking up from the bar in confusion, but only paused a moment before continuing with his through wipe down.

"I work until close tonight." Levi said. "Which isn't until two. Why?"

"Oh." Erwin could literally feel his face turning red as he spoke. "I was wanting to see if you wanted to grab a bite to eat or something after your shift."

"I usually just eat here." Levi said, but once he glanced at Erwin's face, he made an amendment. "Although the bar food does get a little old from time to time. Are you asking me out or something?"

"No!" Erwin said, knowing his voice was a little too loud. He cleared his throat and shook his head, trying again. "No, no. Nothing like that. Just … thought maybe it would be nice to actually see you in normal light."

Levi looked amused as Erwin wished he could sink into the floor and disappear. Luckily, it seemed Levi had the tact from actually teasing him about it. "Not tonight. I'm fucking beat and I've got the beginnings of a headache. Besides, aren't you a school teacher or something? Don't you have to be up early."

"College. My first class tomorrow isn't until noon." Erwin left out the part he was usually up around seven thirty regardless.

"Still." There was a slight hesitation. "I don't work tomorrow, though. If all you want is just some one to hang out with, fine. I'm not into one night fucks, so don't even let it cross your mind. Got it?"

"I wasn't - that - I'm not -" Erwin spluttered, trying to regain his ability to speak.

"What, gay?" Levi snorted. "Yeah, I've heard that one before."

"I'm not." Erwin said, his voice a little firmer. "This isn't a date. I'm not asking for a hook up. You intrigue me, that's all."

"Hm." The other man made a non verbal noise.

"If you don't want to, just say something." Erwin couldn't keep the slightly irritated tone from his voice and was surprised to find it made Levi chuckle.

"Hey, as long as you're buying, I'll go eat with you." He said, actually giving Erwin a bit of an amused smile. "Get in touch with Hange for my number - she'll have the updated one and I never can remember what the fuck it actually is. We'll figure out what we're doing. If you still want to actually get to know me after hearing from her, then sure. I'll eat with you."

Erwin furrowed his eyebrows. "What's that supposed to mean."

"Means I'm eleven flavors of fucked up." Levi said, almost cheerfully. "Just so you know what you're getting into." He waved at Erwin as he gathered his things and headed toward the door. "Talk to you tomorrow!"

Hange was almost hesitant to give Erwin Levi's number when he asked for it the following day. She stared at him hard through her glasses, eyes narrowed just a bit and Erwin could almost see the gears working in her head as she tried to put together the reasons for Erwin's request. "Why do you want it, exactly?" she asked, her voice curious but Erwin couldn't miss the slight hesitation.

"Because he told me to ask you. Something about he never could remember which number he actually had."

"That's certainly the truth." She muttered. "Still, I'm curious as to why you wanted it in the first place."

"All I did was ask if he wanted to grab a bite to eat after his shift last night. He said he wasn't feeling well and was tired anyway, so he suggested that we go out sometime this evening." Erwin explained patiently. "Look, if it's too much trouble, I'll just go up to the bar and see if one of his co-workers has it or something. I didn't mean to make a big deal out of it."

"No," Hange said, slowly. "It isn't a big deal. I just … Erwin, what are your intentions?"

Erwin couldn't restrain the sharp laugh he gave in response, which earned him a glare. "Hange, are you seriously giving me the "what are your intentions" father speech? It's just dinner between two people. Dinner - nothing involved, nothing wanted. He intrigues me and it isn't often that people do that. I'm not going to hurt him or anything."

"I'm more worried about him hurting you."

That threw him. "I - excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"You're going to have to explain that one."

She took a deep breath. "Look, I've known Levi since we were basically children. I think eleven, twelve? Somewhere in there. I've watched him go through more shit than anyone should ever have gone through as a teenager, and those have left their marks upon him. I've watched him go through countless one night stands, through 'relationships' that he knew didn't mean a damn thing, but still managed to be hurt by them, through addictions … and now? Now he doesn't let anyone close at all, and I do mean at all. The simple fact he's actually agreeing to talk to you blew my mind the other night, but it does make me a little concerned about his intentions. You're a great guy, Erwin. I'm not saying that Levi is the worst person imaginable for someone like you, but in a way he is. I don't want you to get hurt."

"Hange, I'm not looking for a relationship!" Erwin repeated, wondering if he honestly was talking to air at this point. "I'm not even gay."

"Gay or not, that's not going to stop him if he sets his sights on you, and you should know that." She took a deep breath. "Levi's a good person, deep down. He really is. He just has a lot of walls and a lot of defenses built into those walls. If he even has a slight idea that you might be breaking past those defenses, he's going to bring out the big guns. And trust me when I say, those aren't pretty. I've been on the receiving end of them far too many times. We didn't talk for about a year because of them - we're just now mending our relationship with one another."

'I'm eleven flavors of fucked up.' Levi had warned Erwin.

"Look, this isn't going to make sense to anyone but myself. Maybe Mike would understand, but he isn't here right now. I don't connect well with people, Hange. I never have - I've always been the quiet, weird, slightly creepy kid that people avoided. Most of the time, people either bore the hell out of me, or they're just completely out of my depth when it comes to conversation. So, to meet someone that I actually want to get to know? That's new. That's different for me. Let me make those decisions on my own." Erwin knew he sounded like an idiot and he looked off to the side and took a deep breath. "This is not a relationship thing, or an attraction thing. This is simply Erwin Smith would like to branch out on his social acquaintances and Levi just happens to be rising to the challenge. So, if you could please just give me his number, I'd appreciate it."

Hange stared at him hard for a moment, as if debating with herself. Finally, after a few minutes, she sighed and pulled out her phone. She typed in a few digits and Erwin felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. "There." She said. "That's his number. Just be careful, Erwin. Please. And don't say that I didn't warn you."


End file.
